higuchimon | [fanfic] Digimon Adventure 02: How To Live With It

Title: How to Live With It
Characters: Ken, Miyako
Word Count: 500||Status: One-shot
Genre: Friendship||Rated: G
Challenge: Digimon Flash Bingo; prompt #618: "I think that somehow, we learn who we really are and then live with that decision." Eleanor Roosevelt
Summary: Ken asks Miyako how you live with who you are.

Ken wasn't used to asking other people questions. For years, people came to him when they wanted answers, no matter how far out of his fields of expertise their questions might be. He usually had managed to make something up for them, and they smiled, nodded, and left him be, which he'd wanted at the time.

But now he had a question of his very own, and he knew who to ask. All he hoped for was that she could answer him. He'd tried hard on his own, and with help from others, but sometimes it felt as if he'd never really get it right.

“What?” Miyako looked at him, clear confusion written in her large brown eyes. He drew a breath in. He should've known this wouldn't be that easy.

“How do you do it? How do you just...accept who you are?” Even after what he'd seen in BelialVamdemon's vision, there still were days and times when he faced what he'd done while in the Kaiser's garb, and he couldn't imagine how he could keep going. There were so many that he'd hurt, and he didn't think he'd ever be able to make it up to them all.

She traced her fingers across the notebook paper before her. Clearly she was just as confused by this as he was. “I don't know how I could do anything else. I mean, I'm me. What else-who else could I be?”

Ken wasn't entirely certain if he'd managed to get what he wanted across to her. He squared his shoulders and started to say it again, wanting to find different words, ones that would really convey everything on his mind.

Miyako spoke before he could say anything else, though. “But if you're talking about making up for what you did, then about the only thing you can really do is just deal with it!” Her eyes flashed and Ken denied until the day he died that he'd squeaked in surprise. Miyako had taken lessons from Mimi in how to be scary, and she was an excellent student. “You screwed up. You're not the first person and you won't ever be the last, and you're just going to have to live with it all. Maybe you won't ever make up for it. But you're going to try.”

She didn't have to ask if he was. They all knew that he tried, that he wouldn't ever stop trying, and he didn't think he knew how to live with himself if he didn't stop.

He managed a small smile. “And if I didn't, you'd probably smack me again, wouldn't you?”

Her smile was much larger and full of a confidence that he himself didn't think he could ever feel again. “You know I would. Someone has to keep you guys on track.”

And who better, he thought, than someone whose very essence included being brutally honest with oneself? And, apparently, with others, when they needed it like he had.

“Thank you, Miyako-san.”

“My pleasure, Ken-kun.”

The End